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Topic Moving: An Aesthetic Dilemma Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By Yuki_in_Space On 04/06/04  

I have a somehwat different boy-related moving dilemma. I'm going to be starting my Master's degree in the Fall, just as my SO is finishing his. He has expressed some interest in having me move in with him (he owns his own house) several times, but I told him I would rather not yet.
The thing is, we'll have such opposite schedules (Me going to school at night, him teaching during the day) that I wonder if I'll ever have time to see him if we aren't cohabitating.
We cooperate okay on domestic things and have often spent weeks together at his house. That is not the problem. The problem I have is that his house is ugly and I find his furnishings depressing.
I have a very modern, monochromatic, sensibility. His house is full of Navajo rugs, creepy pinkish lace curtains and old-lady lamps. Have I mentioned his mom lives next door and buys all his furniture and decor to her taste? The entire house from floor to ceiling is made of wood paneling, and I hate wood.
Is this just crazily effete? I tend to be one of those people who is very affected by my surroundings. I.E. looking at ugly/tacky things makes me really depressed. I do have some furniture and accessories of my own, but I fear it will all be a train wreck when put together.
What to do? Trying to redecorate can only go so far. No matter what I bring into the house, it will still mostly look like I'm living inside of a shellacked crate.
If anyone can offer some advice, I'd really appreciate it.

By invisilurker On 04/06/04  

I would say, don't move in with him.
Anyone who lives that close to thier parents scares me...seriously. Would you REALLY want his mom to be THAT close to you guys? What if you get in a yelling match, and she gets involved..that is seriously going to suck.
Sorry to be so negative. But I think it sounds like you really don't want to move in with him. If he keeps insisting, just tell him how you really feel. There's nothing wrong with being honest, and even if you lied about hating his house, trust me, it would rear its head later on, making things much worse in the end.
What about the weekends? Are you dead set on seeing each other? Maybe you could just take a break from one another until your school is finished? I dunno.
Any adult who lets thier mother decorate thier house...that just seems really wierd to me. Like he hasn't ever really been out on his own and become his own person...He sounds like he has no spine. I know that sounds truly awful, and I'm sorry. But make sure you really really really are absolutely positively sure and ready to deal with living there if you decide to. I honestly would stay far away from there if you can.
If you do end up there, ask him if you can have your room to decorate purely how YOU want it...and no say from him or his mother.

By favorgrl On 04/06/04  

Not much advice, but my grandparents painted paneled walls white and it looked really awesome. I doesn't look paneled at all.


By Alicewonderland On 04/06/04  

You'll be sad. I moved into dorm rooms which are pretty much prison cells for college students. No painting, no holes in the walls, ect.

Decorating was very minimal, and ugly curtains were provided.
I became pretty depressed, not even having a sewing machine on hand to make things with.

I am now moving out because I am unhappy.

yeah, go figure. If you can't enjoy your surroundings, don't bother living there because it'll only make you sad.

By windowshopper On 04/06/04  

maybe you could wait and look for a new place together when the time is right?

By sarah_1980 On 04/07/04  

Sounds like a case for the Fab 5 (aka the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy team). Maybe you can sign his house up for a makeover :) jk

Have you spoken to him about redecorating? It could probably be a good thing for you to both do together in any spare time both of you might have? It wouldn't have to be the whole house - maybe just a couple of walls - its amazing how a touch of paint on the walls can really brighten a place.

Maybe you could also use some nice fabrics to cover up some of his uglier things (ie scrappy bookcases and stuff).


By Yuki_in_Space On 04/07/04  

Thanks for all the feedback. We have discussed getting a different house together eventually.
He is pretty much a complete mommy's boy. She buys all his groceries and cleans his house for him. But on the other hand, she is some kind of nurse and works 12-hour shifts all the time. I'm sure that if I told him I didn't want her around all the time, he'd live with it.
He's pretty resistant to the idea of painting over the wood because he thinks it's "pretty".
So far, I am not planning on moving any time soon. He said he would be willing to get rid of a lot of the things I hate, but I don't know if I would be comfortable after all with the house being "his" and never "ours".
Thanks for the advice.

By misshawklet On 04/07/04  

is everything else ok in your relationship?
did you ever see the SNL skit with the girl who stays over with her man at his mom's house for the first time and he regresses into this creepy little boy? anyhow, it reminds me of that. have you ever spent time with mom? how long have you been together?
she needs to stop buying his groceries though. if he owns his own house and does not do this...

By Trixie On 04/07/04  

Hey there! I just wanted to say that I can relate..completely. When I moved in with my fiancee, I gave up the sweetest apartment one could ever hope for. He owns a house that he bought from the family when his granparents died. It has been over a year and I am still finding recipe clippings from the 1950s!
I too am extrememly affected by my surroundings. It is amazing how much so..I really didn't realize the extent of it until I moved here. Through compromise, we are slowly trying to create a space that works for *both* our needs. Very hard, tho. I am much more of a plants and herbs and terra cotta, maybe some wicker girl and he is very art deco, funky lines, bright colors, maybe 1950s lounge style.
Basically I think that if you can communicate, then it may be a fun, challenging project that could bring you guys together! It will be slow and take time, cuz who really has the money to overhaul an entire house at once? And on another bright note, the style that the two of you come up with could be really cool! Good luck...have fun if you decide to make the move.

+Trix..who made no mention (until now) about the *mommie* aspect, because it has already been said by the previous wise ones that posted before me.

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