I'm in an interesting situation.
I met this guy, who we shall call Mister X, at my kickboxing classes. At first I thought he was someone who I knew from before and couldn't put my finger on where and when exactly, so I began chatting to him to find out. Turns out not only was he pretty damn cute, but also really sweet and funny, so, after like seven classes of hanging out, sparring together, doing warm-ups and other kickboxing related things, we went out for coffee together. I didn't initially expect to be staying long, so I told him I had some (imaginary) shit to take care of later on(always good to have some excuse to bail out with in case a date goes bad), but I didn't need to use it, because we had a great time, the time flew and pretty soon five hours had passed.
At first, I was like, yeah, he's really cute, but I wouldn't want to be involved with him. Strictly felt that he was to be a friend, nothing more. And then, he invited me to go skiing with him the next weekend, when and where I broke my leg in the most nasty horrible way possible, and had to go to the hospital for surgery (I now set off airport metal detectors with my titanium tibia, let's just say). He was so sweet to me throughout the whole ordeal, took care of me until I got to the hospital and my parents arrived, visited me two times in the five days that I stayed, the last time upon which we made out like mad in a deserted hospital solarium at 2 in the morning, my leg all bandaged up, sitting in a wheelchair with morphine drip in tow, and yet, that was one of the most erotic experiences i've had so far in my 21 years (plus, morphine makes ya horny like mad... :)
Since then, we've hung out frequently, (just last sunday we ended up pulling an all-night mutual pleasuring marathon :)there's an undeniable attraction between us but I don't feel that it would be right to expect a relationship out of this. I know that he sees other people once in awhile, and I'm okay with that, as long as it's not rubbed in my face, because I'd be lying if I said I didn't care about him. I honestly and truly enjoy his company, and feel that my life has been enriched by knowing him.
Tonight, I'm going over to his place, to cook him dinner (I'm an awesome cook if I daresay so myself), and to rent a movie. I don't intend to get physical tonight, although I wouldn't mind some innocent cuddling. My fear is that this could all go wrong and he'll fall for me, which would be horrible, because i don't want to feel that I have to push him away. We've already discussed matters, and Mister X feels the same as I do---he likes me a lot, but it wouldn't feel right to get into a relationship. I just wanna spoil him silly (hence the sumptuous homecooked gourmet dinner), he's such a generous guy, he's been so sweet to me, he deserves someone to be generous with him, I wanna treat him as good as he's treated me. That's all I want.
Anyone in a similar situation?
This is the first time that I like someone that I have no desire to "own".
By the way, does anyone else loathe the term "fuck friend" as much as I do? It's so vulgar, such a vulgar term for something so intimate. In fact, I hate the term "to fuck" when applied to sex. It has connotations of rape, of fast-food-disposable sex, of lack of emotion.