first, your insurance may very well cover a certified nurse-midwife and hospital birth. there are more and more CNMs working with OB groups. my insurance said they wouldn't cover a midwife, but the CNM billed through the OB group so she was covered. look into it. it's certainly not a home birth, but it might give you a bit more of the experience you're looking for.
and then write up a birth plan outlining how you'd *like* for the birth to go, and make an appointment to meet with the maternity coordinator/head OB nurse. talk to her (or i suppose it could be a him) about the birth experience you hope to have and that if at all possible, you'd like to be assigned nurses that are supportive of natural childbirth. you may be pleasantly surprised and find out that there several on staff. when i went in with my birth plan to the hospital, the mat.coordinator allayed my fears and said that episotomies were the exception rather than the rule, that while most people want epidurals as soon as they walk in the door, they're happy to help mothers do it naturally if that's what they want, and encourage moving around and different laboring positions, encourage rooming in and breastfeeding immediately, etc. have her sign your birth plan and have her put a copy in your file.
but more importantly, take this birth plan to your OB and talk to him/her. i sense a fear and distrust of doctors that should probaby be addressed with your particular doctor before you give birth so it won't be getting in the way when the time comes to have that baby! not all OBs are in a hurry to cut or give drugs, etc. a good OB will recognize that you may want to do it differently from the norm and will work with you. hell they may just be excited that you want to do it differently from 99% of their patient population and encourage you to birth the way you want to birth. i ended up having an OB for the delivery and he was not interested in finding reasons to speed things up or lying to me. he recognized that i was doing things my way, and he was fine to just hang out and be there to catch the baby and stitch up my small tear when it was all done. go over the birth plan line by line with your doctor or CNM and ask for their input. let them know you are flexible and they'll be more likely to go along with the birth you want, and may have suggestions for things you hadn't even thought of. a lot of it is attitude - if you go into it showing you have an open mind and are somewhat flexible and willing to listen to reason, you should be treated with respect. if you go into it rigid and "it HAS to be this way" and "medical intervention is ALWAYS wrong", sure, they're gonna get their backs up, and probably won't be as willing to work with you to acheive your goals.
make sure your labor support person (spouse/friend/doula/mom/whomever) knows your birth desires and is willing to be a strong advocate for those desires. if you're in the middle of labor and are overwhelmed and in pain and scared, that person can help ask you if this is something you really want if the doctor or nurse is pushing you to do something you don't feel comfortable with. they can ask the doctor to leave the room for a minute so you can discuss it. make sure everyone knows that NOTHING is to happen, no procedures will be done other than in a life-or-death situation, without your informed consent. ask questions (or have your support person do it) about WHY such and such should be done, what are the risks, what are alternative options, and then discuss it and decide what you are comfortable with.
my husband is a doc, though not an OB, and his main concerns with the birth plan were that it be short - 1 page 'cos if it's too long, the staff will likely not read it all and you're less likely to be taken seriously - and cover the points you REALLY don't want to budge on, except in the case of an emergency. and to make sure that you state that you are willing to budge on those points if it truly is necessary for the health of the child, or for you. my first draft was about 4 pages long, but i pared down the verbosity and ended up with a very workable birth plan.
now, things never happen exactly as you plan, no matter how carefully you make those plans, so you have to expect that there will be last minute changes. for example, my plan said, i don't want to lie down on my back. the nurse kept encouraging me to squat and get vertical, and i wasn't having it. i was fine right where i was thank you very much. and i did let them put in a hep lock so they could quickly put in an IV if needed, and hey, it was nice to have it in already when it was all over and they need to give me some fluids and pitocin to help stop the bleeding.
ok i'm done spouting my $.02 on the matter. good luck. just know that there are plenty of people out there who have had very satisfying births in hospitals with OBs. take courage from that!