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Topic Politely Declining the "Normal" Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By faerie_eyez On 03/31/04  

How do you go about conveying your views without seeming bitchy? I want my kids to be exclusively breastfed, no bottles, no pacifiers. I'm a firm, old-fashioned believer that if your baby needs to suck, or is upset, you offer the breast. That's what it's for.
Also, has anyone here breastfed past age 2 or 3, and what sorts of things did you deal with? What about tandem breastfeeding (feeding more than one child)? What about breastfeeding in public?



By looloo On 03/31/04  

why would you think you would be bitchy for conveying your views on how to raise your own child? The only people I think are bitchy for conveying their views are the ones who tell you their views on how you should be raising your child.

If you are talking about telling a "well meaning" in law not to stick a pacifier in the childs mouth, the best thing to do is just come right out and say it. (Of course, you don't have to say "what the hell are you doing??? get that thing out of there!")



By faerie_eyez On 03/31/04  

Well, not necessary bitchy I guess...I just know how well-meaning in-laws and whatnots can be. I know all too well the feelings of anger that can arise when you get a, "Yeah, well, that'll change once you're in labor/the baby's crying/people are looking at you weird"...blah!



By Eva666 On 03/31/04  

i get 2 zines written by mama's that breastfeed exclusively (one has a 2 year old, one has a 3 year old). one of them even dedicated one of her zines to the subject entirely for 1 issue. if you're interested i can give you the info.



By melmelon On 04/01/04  

I tandem nurse....2.5 y.o. and an almost 4 month old.....the comments from the family are better off ignored - they have since gotten over it. As far as feeding in public goes...why wouldn't you? Who wants to hear a baby cry for food when there's absolutely no reason?
The pacifier thing is easiest dealt with by NOT having the bloody thing around.



By faerie_eyez On 04/01/04  

Thanks guys! I feel a lot better knowing there are others that share my views. Sometimes I even get slack from b/f...I told him that I want to tandem nurse my children, and showed him some pictures, etc. He thought that the women looked like livestock nursing more than one child :( I thought it was beautiful. He'll come around once he sees that I'm serious about it though.



By luci_mama On 04/01/04  

I tandem nursed for, ummm, 18 months or so, until my older son was over 3 years old. There were only a handful of times when I literally had one on each breast, but those moments were especially valuable in reducing sibling rivalry at the time.

I can also tell you that sometimes you DO feel like livestock, but hopefully those feelings will be few and far between. If not, remember that weaning is ideally a shared decision: mama's opinions are as important as baby's, and in my experience, nursing is so important to little one's physical and emotional health, they're not in any hurry to give it up.

But yeah, you'll find friends here on Glitter, and I (as well as some others here) can point you toward whole herds (sorry, couldn't resist!) of other extended feeding mamas.

You go, girl!

L

ETA: Ooops, and to answer your original question, it is possible to make your preferences known without being bitchy. It helps to have like-minded friends who can coach you, and who you can vent with, to get the venom out of the way before you spray it at your in-laws, for instance. It also helps to have a sense of humor about it, and to remind yourself (and them) that we all want "the best for Baby;" it's just that we disagree on how we define "best."



By faerie_eyez On 04/01/04  

Every time I look at this thread, it makes me feel good! Thanks! I only wish I had great friends like you ladies in real life, not just on the computer! :) Anyone in the Bakersfield, CA area? ;)



By senorcoconut On 04/01/04  

Oh, I got so many complaints about public feedings that I carried around a copy of the law stating that telling me I had to go elsewhere wa illegal.
I'm looking at you, Barnes and Noble employees.



By pudgybudgie On 04/03/04  

you should go to www.mothering.com, and go to "discuss"...they have a whole board dedicated to extended/exclusive breastfeeding. you are SO not the only one.



By jane_bond On 04/04/04  

You can also check out www.breastfeeding.com. An amazing resource. The forums, where I regularly hang out, are very supportive and virtually all the users there are into extended nursing. They even have a board just for that!

When you finally are nursing, and your DH sees that it is super good for the baby and how good you are with it, his weird attitude will likely fade away and be forgotten.



By Melynn On 04/04/04  

I would hate to think what would have been said to me if I breastfed for more than a year. I caught enough flack about doing it past 6 months. The "you know you don't have to breastfeed for the entire first year" No you don't have to breastfeed at all if you don't want to, but I want to. I had my family-who was very supportive of me. And one in my husband's family who was really great. But she breastfed all her kids for as long as she could. About 3 years each. My mother in law didn't breastfeed and didn't want to. She said in her day of having babies, breastfeeding was not the thing to do. But my mom was horribly disapointed she couldn't breastfeed me and my siblings. Her milk wasn't any good. I would throw up violently everytime I ate and lost weight. So when I was having my first, mom was really concerned I wouldn't be able to breastfeed. When everything went well for us, I think she was happier than I was.
Ignoring comments works well, but once in awhile it is necessary to stand up for it. I had people who wanted to give my babies bottles and pacifiers. I told them flat out-no, she doesnt' know what that is and she doesn't need to. I always had perfectly content happy babies without all that. I got the-if you don't give them a pacifier, they will be thumb suckers. I have 3 children, none of them ever sucked their thumbs.
We weaned right around a year, and it worked good for us. If it doesn't work for you to wean in a year, I don't think that is a big deal at all. I think it is so awesome to be able to breastfeed longer. It is so good for the baby and I think if my babies would have wanted to breastfeed longer, I think weaning might have been a bit easier on me.
And the way I see it, I didn't have babies so someone else could tell me how to raise them.
Breastfeeding in public-I hated breastfeeding in public. Most of the time people didn't even know what I was doing, but sometimes they did. I think the ones that made me feel the worst was when mothers would see what I was doing and rush their kids by me like I was some pervert. But that just falls into the catagory of stupid people to be ignored.
So don't let anyone get to you, do what you feel is best and get a good support group of people. Anytime you feel insecure about breastfeeding, call one of them, or you can always come here!
Melinda



By melmelon On 04/04/04  

ok...I'm not hijacking...but....I hate how some people act about breastfeeding, as though its something dirty or whatever.

I've been quite lucky not to be questioned about my intentions..well I did go through the whole, "you're still nursing, and pregnant" crap, as well as having my mother compare me to a cow since I am doing the "double booby duty," and the stupid jokes about how its a good thing I don't have three kids. But I have little modesty left when it comes to whipping the boob out in public, and good luck to the person that gives me a dirty look or comments if its a bad day in my world....but generally I will just look through the offender and smile like a simpleton.

When I was pregnant the first time, this one older lady I worked with would go on and on about how wonderful it was to nurse and how much she enjoyed it (I didn't really like her and I had no frigging clue as to why she was telling me this, over and over and over). She would ask me about my plans for what I was going to do or not (which was obviously none of her business). Of course I had no clue about the complex nursing relationship that I would develop with my kid and the only reason I was going to do it was because its free and I'm too lazy to make up a bottle, clean a bottle, warm a bottle. In retrospect, disregarding my feelings towards old crone, I am quite honoured that she shared her feelings with me.



By faerie_eyez On 04/05/04  

This thread just keeps getting better and better. I hope I have big mommy balls, and am able to just whip out a boob in public to nurse.



By sofrosyne On 04/07/04  

Personally, I've never had any problems with nursing in public. Maybe I am just oblivious, but nobody has ever said anything, and I've never noticed dirty looks. Sometimes I do get big smiles from people, though. I guess it depends on where you live. It did take me a while to feel comfortable doing it, but once you actually have the baby and he's crying cause he's hungry and you're in the middle of the restaurant, you don't have much choice in the matter so it's not that big a deal :)



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