I don't know how else to state this but in a list.
there is a wedding coming up, and it's a pretty big deal in my extended network of friends. However, I have reservations about going.

1. The bride used to be my boss, who fired me for speaking my mind to her best friend, the other manager (long story..won't go into it here). I was told, while working with them, that I was going to be invited to the bridal vacation to Las Vegas, but then no one would be able to staff the office. I thought that was pretty rude. It's like they thought that I wanted to go ohsobad or something. I kept my mouth shut on that one.

2. The groom was a good friend of my boyfriend's for years and he isn't even acknowledged in any of the groom's parties.

3. I don't feel like I am that close to them to go to the wedding. I don't feel like I should get them a gift. It seems as though they are inviting a lot of people just for the gifts. Perhaps not, but these people act "stylish" and richer than they really are. in their registry, nothing is less than $10, and that's a calvin klein coffee mug. They didn't even register at target, for those guests that might not be able to afford a $200 Kate Spade place setting or a $20 spatula.

4. Another friend of ours is in the wedding as a groomsman, and he's required to buy a $175 shirt and tie set, that's not even including the suit.

5. Is it rude not to attend? I feel if I do I would just be a pawn in their "look how great our life is" party.

6. I can't afford the gifts in their registry. Should I just make a nice card instead?

You don't need to go to the wedding, though if your boyfriend wants to, you probably should go for moral support. You don't have to get them a gift, but it'd probably be nice to send them a nice card. If you were planning to get them a gift, you wouldn't need to get them something off the registry.

-mystril

i ironically had a similar conversation with a friend of mine today.

screw it. it sounds like you don't want to go, so don't. If they are as snotty as they sound, will they be heartbroken if you don't go? (sorry if that sounds harsh, but I hate snottiness.)

weddings are great, but you hardly get to see the bride and groom anyhow, since they are so busy. I think a nice card would be fine, if you can't afford a gift. Let them bitch about it if they want to.

ugh. some people can be so annoying.

i second, or third the not going....doesn't sound like that much fun anyway. and the official ettiquette (from Emily Post ;o) ) says that if you don't go to the wedding, there's no need to get a gift. technically, even if you do go to the wedding there's no need, since they are, or should be, just asking you to come and share their joy.

That sounds like one crappy wedding. I really think that you should just send a nice card, and save that money you would have spent going to that lame wedding on a nice vacation for you and your BF.
I wouldn't really bother with a gift, because they sound like they would be ungrateful.
I don't think it's rude not to go.
If it really bothers you, just make up that you are ill or something like that.

I agree - if you go a nice card should suffice. And if you don't feel like going, then don't feel obligated.

We had a problem with registering - the fear that people would feel obligated to buy us stuff vs. the desire to be sure that our wacky relatives, who we knew would get us stuff regardless, didn't buy us a bunch of useless crap. (That sounds really harsh, but, um, yes... some of the relatives, well... We registered and we still got steak knives and a few other meat related things - and we've both been vegetarians for over ten years.)

Obviously I am not these people... (we didn't register for any silverware or plates much less Kate Spade??!)... but I regarded my wedding as a big party we were throwing for our friends. And that's how I think you should approach it.

You don't have to go! and as others said you are not obligated to give a present at all, and if you want to give one not on the registry that's okay too.

But, no matter what, RSVP!

As a matter of etiquette, you have no obligation to go or send a gift (although you should RSVP).

As a matter of machiavellian-making-your-life-easier, it sounds like you still work with this woman (and her friends) although she is no longer your boss. It might be worth it to send her a $20 spatula and be done with it. No need to attend the wedding, it doesn't sound like she cares if people actually go. But if she'll make your life hell and spitefully gossip about how "cheap" you are and how "mean" to her you were about her wedding, the moral high ground might end up being a lonely and uncomfortable place. Especially as this woman's previous behavior indicates that she expects absolute loyalty from her friends and will stop at nothing to extract it, so if she does decide to start a vendetta against you and she is a boss the people who work for her will have no choice but to "side" with her against their will.

eww...why even bother after all that drama! i might understand there being a dilemma if it were a family issue, but you have an option. And people only treat you how you let them.

Go if you want, not if you don't. Don't feel obligated... and if you must, it's easy enough to say you have other plans for that day. I'd probably go anyway for the food, dancing, and seeing other friends. If you go, you should bring a gift, but it doesn't have to be off the registry. If you go, forget about the drama and just enjoy the party!

oh don't go! You will be bored, she will probably look perfect so there goes your chance to make fun of her...the best that could happen is that someone gets too drunk and makes a fool of themselves..and you don't want that to be you, now do you?

Thanks for all of your advice. My boyfriend doesn't want to go. Plus I will have to work (I always work Saturdays) and it's my dad's birthday.

I'd rather stay away from any situation that might chance myself to be snarky.

Don't go.

A girl I used to work with was like that....couldn't stand her. I didn't go to her wedding.

Three months later they filed for divorce and she was having an affair with another guy at work.

My other co worker jokes that they were divoced before they ever got the bills paid off.

So sad. My rule is weddings are dumb, unless it's family or good friends, you don't have to go and you don't have to feel bad about it.

sounds like you made a good decision not to go.
and if you feel like you should give a gift (i think a nice card is just fine) you could get some co-workers to each chip in $5 for a group gift...

I don't work for her anymore. it's been about 5 months since I have.