I'm hormonally cranky, and I'm NOT pregnant!
But I just wanna come up with obnoxious comebacks on your behalf:
"Baby? What baby? Don't you think my doctor did well with my implants?"
"Nah, I'm never giving up this baby. I LIKE backaches, stretchmarks and having to pee every 14 minutes."
And to the "wide load" guy, I would have beep-beeped right over his ass! Of course, then you'd be touching him, which ....ewwwww.
Oh yeah, I just remembered I have a list of obnoxious comebacks to people who make snotty comments about extended breastfeeding!
1) Are you STILL nursing?
Of course, I wouldn't dare ask someone else to do it for me!
What do you mean still? The bare minimum is two years!
Obviously. ..Are you STILL afraid of seeing a breast? (a good one for someone looking at you nursing with a disgusted look on their face)
Yep! The equipment is still in operation.
Yep! He's still my child, isn't he?
Of course! He still needs his mommy!
Absolutely! It's a great way for both of us to take a break!
Actually, he's the one doing the nursing, I just sit here.
2) When are you going to wean?
I weaned a long time ago, when I was two I think.
(pause) Oh, you weren't asking me? Oh...he can't answer you yet, he can't talk.
Weaning isn't even in his vocabulary yet.
Not sure, I hope he is allowed to nurse as long as he likes.
Oh...sometime in the future. (be vague, it gets them every time!)
I suppose whenever he stops nursing, that would be a good time.
That's funny, I was going to ask you when are you planning on going vegetarian (or something equally as ridiculous to ask)
3) Isn't he a little old for that?
(while nursing) Apparently not, the equipment still works for him.
(surprised) What?! He isn't even out of diapers!
I used to think like you, but then I nursed a baby for the first time and all the rules changed.
His doctor didn't think so.
Aren't you a little old to be wearing those jeans?
Nope, he's only three, that's not very old considering he'll live to be 100 or so.
Obviously he isn't.
If I thought that way, would I still do it?
No, I don't think he is, do you? (if they say "yes" then answer, "well, then, you already had your answer didn't you")
*Do you want to see the research that s/he's not?
*We work for National Geographic
*My mother is the US Surgeon General.
*He's allergic to artificial nipples.
*Well, that's one opinion.
*Actually, no. I'd love to talk about it. Do you have time for coffee?
4) He doesn't NEED to nurse at this age!
He doesn't need his teddy bear either and but we still give it to him
Maybe not, why don't you read up on it for me. Maybe you can find out if there is an expiration date for my milk.
Only HE knows what he needs and obviously he still needs it.
(laugh) Where did you hear that?
Shhh - not in front of him, you'll make him feel bad. (then later say "I would prefer it if you wouldn't talk about nursing in front of the baby. How would you feel if someone was telling you that you were too old for something?")
He can HEAR you, you know.
And you don't NEED to eat that doughnut, but you still are.
He should be drinking cow's milk from a cup by now.
I am sure he knows how, but if you were him, which would you prefer?
Why? Are we raising him to be a cow?
He likes human milk from these cups better at the moment.
I would like to see where that "rule" is written down.
Why? Human milk is made for humans...and it's free!
And you should be OVER the whole thing by now, are you still afraid of a breastfeeding child?
1) Are you still nursing?"
"No, I'm not, my mother lives too far away. Jacob is, though."
"Of course! Nothing but the best for your grandson!" (or nephew or whatever)
"Yes, isn't it amazing? I am so glad he's not in a hurry to grow up"
"Yes, it's really been a life-saver, it is the only liquid he'll drink when he's not feeling well"
"Absolutely, isn't love a wonderful thing?"
"Yes!" (then hold up your hand expecting the other person to high-five you)
"Right now? No, he's over there playing. I need him to do it"
"I was never a nurse. I don't like needles! I'm an Accountant, remember?"
"Yes, his doctor is so thrilled. So many moms give up due to pressures of friends and family" (hint hint)
"Yes, and he's a real pro at it. I am so proud of him"
"Everyone asks that, it must be because he's so incredibly healthy" (not really answering, but it gets the point across that you aren't planning on answering)
"I get that question all the time. It is so great that people are looking out for him!" (again, not answering)
"Yes, he deserves the very best. He's such a good baby."
(for someone who continuously asks) "It is funny how people ask that, but then they don't really want to know"
(for someone who continuously asks) "Of course, I am glad you keep asking. It shows you want the best for him."
(and another for someone who is hounding you to no end) "do you really want to know this time? You didn't seem satisfied with my answer last time."
2) "When are you planning on weaning?"
"I'm not. He'll wean me."
"Before he graduates"
"He hasn't told me yet."
"I haven't asked him yet. He doesn't really make plans for the future at this point. He just does things day to day"
"I don't know, I guess when my milk dries up" (confuse a person who has no clue about breastfeeding)
"I hope not for a while. We're both enjoying our time together"
"I don't know, when the puppies weaned, they were taken away from their mother. It doesn't seem like such a great thing to me"
(sometimes they ask, "when will you start giving him cow's milk?") "Not sure, maybe if he starts thinking he is a calf"
"What, and get my PMS back? are you crazy?"
"I don't know. He seems to still enjoy it and I enjoy those extra 500 calories I burn"
"It is so hard to plan anything with a baby. We're just doing things day to day."
" We're in no rush, he has time to make up his own mind"
"Thanks for asking. Everyone seems to need an answer for that except for me and my child."
(and another for someone who is hounding you to no end) "It depends, when are you planning on asking me again?"
The top five reasons to tandem nurse by Lori (noaimhere)
5 You burn twice the calories (read EAT more chocolate)
4. With a head on each arm, lying flat on your back, you learn how to become an escape artist
3. Two beautiful heads to kiss and smell, I just love that.
2. You know where at least two of your children are
AND the number 1 reason to tandem nurse:
1. There isn't an extra nipple for anyone to "fiddle"