i have no idea what to say - any suggestions?

Just say something like

Hello, You're reached so and so...I can't come to the phone right now, so please leave your name, number and message and I'll get back to you! Thanks!

Just as a tip, Don't put your phone number in the message, or ever say you are gone on vacation.

Oh ditto on not leaving your phone number...

also I don't like to leave my name.

Mine is something to the nature of....

"Hi, I can't come to the phone right now...."

ETA - I looked up some funny answering machine messages, take a look and see if anything peaks your interest
>http://www.zeltser.com/humor/answ.machines.html
>http://www.pbbt.com/Directory/Jokes/Answering_Machine_Messages/


I'm a fan of....

Let's face it: there are moments when you just can't get to the phone. (sound of toilet flushing)

and

Hi. I'm not home right now, as far as you know. Leave a message and I'll call you back if I feel like it.

My favourite ever is one an ex-housemate did. In his Apu voice, he said "You have reached the point of no return. Please come again." :D

Here's a don't suggestion. It is a bad idea to say:

"Hello? (pause) Hold on a second, I can't really hear you. I think... I think there's something wrong with the phone. (pause, jiggling cord noises) Oh! Oh, that's what it is! You're talking to the answering machine! Just leave a message after the-"

No matter how funny it is to do this (and it is very funny to do when you're fourteen or fifteen, and don't tell your family you changed the message), people do not like it. Although you do get the best, most disoriented messages with it... but really. Bad. Bad and mean.

ha that's funny b/c i just remembered the sequence of the i've fallen and i can't get up message (below)
it was
hello....hello? speak up, i can't hear you....because i've fallen and i cant get up!

oh and people left the strangest half messages there :-P

jt

my sister and i used to love making messages, we had the infamous
"Hello.....I'm sorry I can't come to the phone right now....Because I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP leave your message at the tone"...remember those old ads with the little old lady?

That and
"Hello, you may have won a trip to (kokomo song plays ) Jamaica...Bermuda, bahamas, to see if you've won, please leave your name and number at the tone.

i suppose the content of these really dates how old the messages are :)

We used to have tapes of just looney toons characters saying why we couldn't make it to the phone...oh what i'll spend money on...

we have 'hi you've reached j&j, please leave your name and number after the beep'...at work it's just the audix greeting...I guess I'm no longer creative

jt

do the message! do do do do do do do, do do do do do do do, do do do do do do do do do...

does anyone remember "hey, how you doin'? sorry you can't get through. why don't you leave your name and your number, and i'll get back to you. my number's 2222222. i got an answering machine that'll talk to you..."

One of my friends has his as "What's your name and who's your daddy" or something like that, and the first time my friend called him, she was so confused...kinda funny though...

ummm i saw this on seinfeld...george's answering machine was to the tune of the greatest american hero themesong...

"belive it or not, george isn't at home..leave amessage at the be-e-ep"

something like that..i've always wanted to do it, but the roomates won't let me.

My sister's:
"Hi, this is E, I don't want to talk to you right now so leave a message."
My friends':
"Hi, this is G and K. We are at home, but we're trying to avoid a person that we don't want to talk to. If we don't call you back, it's probably you."
Mine:
"Teagrrl's answering machine"
(well, with my real name instead of Teagrrl, obviously...)

All of these make people nervous, though. :-)

hello who is this?

[pause for answer]

f**k off!


No joke my mate did this once, very very funny!

How about that spiderweb song by No Doubt?
"Sorry I'm not home right now I'm walking in a spiderweb so leave a message and I'll call you back" I had a friend who at her college the big thing was running through the fountain naked, so she made it "running through the fountain naked" instead of walking in a spiderweb,lol.

I recorded my voice mail message off an episode of The Simpsons! It's Rainier Wolfcastle's answering machine message, but there've been quite a few funny ones from that show. :)

I've always wanted to do this one (sung to the tune of Greensleeves/What child is this):

What caller is this
Who on my machine
Refuses to leave a message
You must speak
After the beep
Or I'll never call you back again

I try to make mine a little interesting, when I took a month off work it was, "Hi, this is nicegirl and I can't come to the phone right now because I'm too busy lounging around. Leave me a message and I'll call you back."
And then when I started working again, "Hi, this is nicegirl. I'm not lounging around anymore so there's some other reason I'm not answering the phone. Leave me a message and I'll call you back."

Long ago, I helped a friend of mine record this message (I was meowing plaintively in the background):

"Hello, you've reached ----. This answering machine is connected by a high-voltage wire to a small, helpless kitten. If you hang up without leaving a message, you will complete the circuit and fry the kitty. The choice is yours. Have a nice day."

I think he decided to change it soon after, because he was getting too many messages from people saying only "I want that cat killed!" and hanging up.

Don't just think about what you'd like to record -think about what you might like to hear. Make it straightforward, not too fast and short, short, short. Nothing is more annoying than having to listen to the same long irritating message every time you try to reach someone!

I used to change mine frequently, but the one I liked the best was "I am home at the time but I am screening my calls. Also, I am in the front of the house with the tv on, so if you want me to answer, please scream into the phone"

My room mate, however, was not so fond of it...

I agree with the poster above - funnies aside, be short and to the point. I hate people that give the phone number you've reached, but not the name (a collasal pain if you're reading off a bad scrawly written phone number, and aren't sure if you're reaching the right people), people that go on too long (even with a joke. If you get the message a lot, you will begin to hate that person), and... well, actually, I tend to hate voicemail/answering machines in general, but those are the worst. The best message I've heard so far is my friend's, for her family's house, which goes, 'You've reached the [last name]s, you know what to do.' Short, but also funny, to me at least.

Also, George Carlin has a good rant about people telling callers to leave a message after the beep. I'll paraphrase (badly): 'We've had these things around for a while. We know how they work. So quit fucking telling me what to do. We get it.'

Sabriel, I have a version of you friend's familys message only I've added a "here comes the beep" between my name and "you know what to do".

Another favourite of mine:
"Hi, you've reached N the psychic. I already know who you are, your number and what you want, so when you hear the beep, just hang up."

On my current message I'm encouraging people to register to vote. I also suggest that they vote Democrat, but that's just me.

I've done one with a latin phrase that meant Don't let the Bastards get you down. But i've lost that translation since.

My step mother had one once that said..."Hello, you've reached the home of R and C. All of our operators are busy right now, but leave your name and number and we'll get back to you."

I know I've had others, but I can't think of them. Perhaps it's the cold medicine. Or something.

Sincerely me

I had "Hang up and leave me alone" when I was in my freshman year goth stage. But that only really works if your aim is to irritate your dad (High probability of success!) and not to get messages.

I despise calling the ones that say "you've reached XXX-XXXX". That gives me no useful information except that i dialed the number correctly. Hate it hate it. However, It's the only one the Mr. will use and we had an answering machine fight for a while where our message was "You've reached Tffany and "the resident at XXX-XXXX" which was the stupidest thing EVER. It's amazing the things you fight about in LTR.

sincerelyme:

is this the latin phrase you're talking about? "Nolite te bastardes carborundorum."

My theory is short and to the point but with an air of friendliness.

Mine is "Hi! I'm not in right now, but I would be delighted if you would leave me a message."

Of course, many of the messages I get are "Hi, I would be delighted if you would answer your phone."

In the funny realm, I'm a huge fan of Costanza's "Believe it or not" message previously mentioned. Also, Ross from Friends we will, we will, call-you-back" to the tune of "we will rock you" including requisite synthetic clapping. Tee hee.

-Stephanie