So I just finished watching 'Mystic River' and it has me feeling pretty philosophical and thinking about those formative childhood years and the events that shape us as adults.

I work with students who have Emotional/ Behavioral Disorders, many who have terrible home lives, have been abused, neglected or abandoned. I wonder how many of these kids will go on to become functional adults, have real relationships or even stay out of jail. I do my best and I *love* these kids, but I worry that - like Tim Robbins character - the damage done is irriversible.

I even see the making of a school shooter in one of my students (yes, I have talked to the principal about this). This kid is smart, sweet and full of love but he's constantly harrassed by school mates, neglected at home, obviously has a lot of pent up rage and witnessed his mother's murder at the age of 3. I go out of my way to talk to him and try to make him feel good about himself but I wonder if, in the end, my little encouragements make any difference.

Although I know that amazing people can come from backgrounds like this (some of my closest, smartest, most successful friends come from incredibly dysfunctional homes) I really worry that these kids I work with may meet the same end as Tim Robbin's character ... haunted, lonely, and inevitably, dead before his time.

Has anyone else seen the movie? Any thoughts on childhood experiences and how they shape us?

I haven't seen the film, it hasn't come out yet here (australia) and I'll see it when it does.

I think you can't give up on people. Yes, damage in childhood can leave lasting scars but hopefully if enough people try subsequently to show the person love and appreciate them, they can enjoy life and not... turn into school shooters or what-have-you.

To think that it is irreversible in all cases is maybe a bit pessimistic! I think you are definitely helping the kids you work with, and yes, your contribution to their lives is significant. Even if only one or a very few people in their lives are appreciative of their uniqueness and try to love them, they will know that such people exist and through the rest of their lives may try to search out more such people, rather than follow the types of negative behaviour that have been modelled for them in their homes. If they see that you have a better situation they may see a new possibility for themselves and try to emulate it.

Yes, sometimes people fall through the cracks but you never know, what we think of as the most hopeless case sure can surprise us sometimes with how well they do with a little help.

I saw the movie too, and I loved it, but it also left me in a very contemplative mood.

Its a very disheartening subject to think about, because of the "inevitable deadness" that happens to so many kids. I don't think its too pessimistic to say this happens to a very large percentage of kids that have been abused, because I think that a lot of the time our view is skewed by the success stories of the ones that overcame it. We dont know how many slip through the cracks because they slip through the cracks and nobody hears that.

Great movie for anybody interested -- Sean Penn is awesome in it.

Saw the movie, it was execellant (Particularly the way they worked in the monster movie tropes, who expected that?)

Just wanted to say, the little things do help. I had a pretty happy childhood, but I can still remember the people who went out of their way to be kind to me during hard times. For a kid who's life is nothing but hard times, what you consider little insignificant things seem momentous. Keep reaching out to that kid, I'm sure he is benefiting from it far more than you realize.

My job serves the mentally and physically disabled, and the thing that always strikes me in dealing with people who have incredible challenges in their lives and deal daily with negativity (Some people are ASSHOLES to the disabled) is how resilient the human spirit is. Most people want to deal with challenges well and have good relationships and will work on reaching those goals, they often have setbacks along the way, but don't give up, the things you do to help them reach those goals are extremely valuable.

The alternative to making some kid's day brighter is not making a kid's day brighter, or giving up. I think every kid is always worth whatever effort you can put forth, and even if he doesn't become some incredibly strong, healthy person, at least you put something positive out there. Like I said, the alternative would just make the kid's life crappier. There's always possibility in everyone, that's how I see it. I'm almost positive that this kid, and other kids you work with really benefit from the kindness you show them, even if they can't/don't show it now.

I didn't mean pessimistic in the sense that "oh, it hardly ever happens, don't worry!", I meant pessimistic in the sense of thinking that it's inevitable and can't be stopped even if we try. bad shit happens to heaps of kids, and it's been shown that early intervention has exceellent results. But someone actually has to, y'know, intervene.

Kids fall through the cracks because of indifference, and people are indifferent because they think that kids turning out fucked-up is a foregone conclusion. But it's not inevitable.

hovercraft: I haven't seen the film and I don't have a lot of theories on how our backgrounds shape us, but I want you to know how much I admire people like you who make an effort to reach out to people who need to be seen. I do believe that the smallest things can make a huge difference, and I'm sure you mean a lot to this boy even if he doesn't realise it at this moment. Don't doubt that you can make a difference!