You ever find yourself in bed late at night getting really punchy? And perhaps then find yourself annoying the guy beside you with every pirate joke you can invent because the glitter people started it and now you can't stop? Ever find that the first thing you said to the guy when you woke up (after "Fruity Pebbles, thanks") was, "What do pirates do on the fourth of July?" OK, maybe you haven't. But I did. Heh. :-)

Here's a sampling, add your own. Warning, they're mostly really really bad.

Why don't pirates have linoleum?
They prefer caarrrrrrrpet.

What do little girl pirates play with?
Baarrrrrrrbie.

Where do pirates go on vacation?
Aaarrrrrrrgentina.

Why did the wife yell at her pirate?
He forgot to take out the gaarrrrrrrbage.

What are a pirate's favorite Sesame Street characters?
Oscaarrrrrrr and Baarrrrrrrkley.

How do pirates get to work?
They drive a caarrrrrrr to get to their offices on the baarrrrrrrge.

What are a pirate's favorite fish?
Caarrrrrrrp, gaarrrrrrr, and staarrrrrrrfish.

What do pirates do after work?
They go relax at the baarrrrrrr.

Why didn't the pirate go to the convention?
It was too faarrrrrrr.

How do pirates laugh at jokes?
Haarrrrrrrdy haarrrrrrr haarrrrrrr.

What did the pirates name their baby?
Maarrrrrrrk.

What's a pirates favorite subatomic particle? (Or if you prefer, his favorite Star Trek character?)
Quaarrrrrrrk.

What did the pirate exclaim in disbelief?
Yaarrrrrrr kidding me!

Oh yeah, and
What do pirates do on the fourth of July?
Baarrrrrrrbecue

The only pirate joke I can remember right now:
Give me an Arrrr!
Arrrr!
Give me an Arrrr!
Arrrr!
Give me another Arrrr!
Arrrr!
What does that spell?
Arrrrrrrrr!

Did you see the new pirate movie?
It's rated Arrrr.
tehe

teaglass - that's the one that started it all. :-)

Why does the pirate read Playboy?

For the Arrrghticles

kungfu, you crack me up.
I'm going to make one up so I'm sure it'll be lame.


Why do pirates steal the software?
To get grand theft arrrrrrrrto 3 for freee

ok that was SUPER lame
jt

aaaaah, kfg, I'm dying over here. I can't think of any arrrr pirate jokes (yes, shocking, the pirate queen herself) but I want to share one of my favorite pirate jokes (which I might have heard here)...

A scurvy pirate walks into a bar, with a little ships' wheel sticking out of his pants, and orders a glass of rum.

Bartender: Sure, but before I serve you, what's with the wheel in your pants?

Pirate: Arrr! It's drivin' me nuts!!

And I know what you mean about being unstoppable, some friends and I once made up 8,000 new variations on the phrase "cruisin' for a bruisin'", such as "meetin' for a beatin'", "skankin' for a spankin'", "crunchin' for a punchin'", etc.

---
and now, back to your regulaaarrrrly scheduled pirate jokes...

i LOVE the "it's drivin' me nuts" joke. i read it on here, and immediately told everyone i knew. and they all thought it was really lame. but *i* think it's the funniest thing ever. right after my favorite NON-pirate joke:

what's Irish and sits on your front porch in the rain?

Patio Furniture. (you know, Paddy O'Furniture? you get it.)

sorry to get off topic... my favorite variation game is on "pleasantly plump". "charmingly charred", "ravishingly repulsive"... i'm lame.

stella

Q: how much do pirates pay to get their ears pierced?
A: a buck-an-ear!!

harharhar

i used to have a pirate joke zine. how could i have lost that?!?!