I do not know what to do about this girl. I thought we were making a lot of progress here lately...a little history, she likes to streatch truths. Which I can handle that, it is when she tells me things that have happened or been said that I feel the need to act on them. Once she had my brother and sister and I screaming at each other because she told us all different things and of course my brother believed her because she is his wife. That is fine, I am glad he will stand behind her. But she is starting to be hurtful again, to my sister that I love dearly, she has been my best friend for a very long time, we were pregnant together, practially in labor together.
Anyway, what happened here just yesterday, my Cindi (my sister) found out that her little boy was sick. ( we are all supposed to get together today) When my sister in law and brother found out that he was sick, my sister in law said that my brother called my mom and said that Cindi "Had better not fucking come over or they were not coming because they didn't want thier little boy sick" She made it out like they got into a really big fight.She even said that my brother said "Fuck Cindi and that kid" That is not my brother.
SO of course, since I am the one that told my nephew was sick, I called mom last night and apologized for spilling the beans before she could tell brother that our sister wasn't coming over. She had no idea what I was talking about.
My sister in law has done this several times. Mostly small stuff, but this stuff involving my family, is not good, I value my family so much. I was really starting to think that we were going to get along great and that she was like another little sister to me. But I think I am wrong. My sister is my sister and my blood, but my brother is my blood too, so to keep him from being upset, I can say nothing.
The last time my sister and I confronted her we made the mistake of doing it in front of our brother. It was bad, oh so bad...
Now I don't know what to do, I want her and I to be close, but I don't think it is going to happen unless I just sit there and let her take me for an idiot.
I would rather someone stole from me than lie to me.
Please any thoughts, in a similar situation, or advice? All would be so much appreciated!
Mel

i'm having similar problems with a friend of mine. she called me last night and wsas like, how is your family. i said my sister had surgery she says oh thats too bad well MY mom might have cancer and went on and on for hours about it.

now, the problems is, she may very well have cancer, and i dont believe her. every time i or one of our friends has soemthing to say, she streaches the truth to make her the pitied one.

so what i've been doing is when she does this, i say 'are you sure thats true kerri?' ONLY if its just her and i. usually i simply ignor her and say 'thats too bad' and move on to something elese.

your sister in law is toxic, babe. I really dont know how to handel such a sticky matter (with your brother) perhaps you could talk to him? anyway, maybe you and your sister avoid contact so if she says you said something, it would be easy to tell her that if you havn't talked to her in a week, and that couldn't be true.

I don't have a whole lot of advice. Me and my best friend were friends with this other girl and she was always telling people she had cancer. I mean in the year that we knew her she had a brain tumor, ovarian cancer, and the doctor *thought* she might have breast cancer. Either it wasn't true or her cancer magically disappeared. Don't believe anything she says unless you can verify it from another sorce. It sounds like she is just trying to cause trouble and get attention. I would suggest getting her some mental help, but I imagine that would cause even more trouble between you and your brother.

favorgrl

Meline-
sorry you are having such trouble with your sister-in-law :(
In my experience, people who are chronic liars are not easily influenced to change for the better- I had a roomate in college who was a compulsive liar- it was unbelieviable how bold she could be- we caught her in lies frequently- and she would just lie about the lie!

she caused alot of pain to the people she came in contact with- she even started telling stories about having an affair with one of our professors-
a complete and absolute lie! but- it got back to his sweet wife and to the head of the art dept. and caused a lot of trouble- and pain.

we finally realized that we had to just be very clear that we could not believe anything that she said-

I think for the sake of your family and the relationship you share with your mother, and sister, you all may want to just get together for coffee- and sit down and decide amongst yourselves that you will not react to anything she says or is reported to have said, until you check the story out-

confronting her is most likely not going to get you what you want and it sounds like you all pretty much know she is not to be trusted.

I am sorry that your brother will have to put up with her though- I guess as much as you can, be sure that he is clear about plans, what is said etc.
there are all sorts of psychological explainations for peoples need for lying- just try not to react and take everything she says "with a grain of salt"- or as my mother says-

"consider the source" and judge for yourself.

My grandmother used to say "Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear." I think your family might need to make that your policy for your SIL.

I don't think confronting her will get the results that you want. (And will probably cause a rift between you and your brother.) But making her the last person to receive all information may keep her from causing trouble. I think you, your mother, and your sister are going to have to make a policy of confirming anything your SIL says before reacting. I feel for your brother, but I don't think you should get him involved. Do as much as you can to avoid rifts with him, as well, by telling him any family related things, rather than her.

-mystril

i think mystril's right on and the others who said to just discuss it amongst yourselves and absolutely disregard anything she says. hopefully she'll stop if she stops getting a reaction.

Yeah I think you and the other gals are right. She can just get me so upset sometimes.
Thanks!
Mel

if anything, talk to yr brother about it privately just to get his take on things. tell him what you see has happened and ask for his interpretation. you're not hurting him (and if having a conversation is hurtful to him then he has his own issues to work through), you're simply trying to keep yr sil from hurting you and yr family. he may have similar problems with his wife and be in denial about them, or be dying to talk about it, but doesn't want to bad mouth her. just make it clear that you have good intentions and want to be closer to her, but feel that she is pushing you and the family away. ask about her in a concerned way, not in an angry way that will only cause him to be defensive.