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Topic How would you handle this situation? Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By jtsang On 08/27/02  

OK, I have to crab here a bit.
My best friend Joe and I went to NJ two weekends ago to hang out with our friends Jon and Amy, the car broke down and we got stuck in horrible traffic, had we not been visiting them, we would have gone back home, but we forged on, to spend what little time we could with them. This past weekend was my sister's wedding. I had a great time but I'm sick and I got so stressed out I got little red stress bumps all over, unless that was an allergic reaction to food. This coming weekend (labor day) we were supposed to go to a redsox yankees game in NYC with jon and amy. Now Joe and I were both sick of riding in the car from the previous trip and you'd think Jon and Amy would be understanding. I'm also sick and don't want to go. I discussed this with Joe, he doesn't want to go, so we decided I'd take the blame for being sick, they'd read behind the lines and it would be no big deal. I wrote an email to them saying that I wasn't feeling well and that I was wondering if they could sell our tix. I was going to then offer to pay for them if they couldn't sell them, but since it's such a hassle to send them money I'd prefer to have them sell them. It's not about the money I swear.

So Jon doesn't really reply and I IM him, he's really not commenting, so Joe sends out an email at my prompting inviting them and me to a bbq at his house (here in boston ) if the strike is on (MLB strike may ruin the game anyway). Finally I get an email from Amy saying first of all, why does my being sick exclude joe from going, and if the strike is on I'd be happy to come see you, joe. Joe wrote back that he didn't want to go. We haven't heard anything since yesterday. Now I think we're right to want to stay home, seeing as we just saw them 2 weekends ago, went through a lot of trouble and heartache to see them, (my friend found out his dog died while we were away), and they don't seem to appreciate it. I would have appreciated a, "Sorry you're not feeling well Jen, Joe do you still want to go or should I sell your ticket too?" I dont' get it. I am not trying to cheat them out of 22.50, if it is indeed about 22.50 then I'm really pissed, I somehow think Amy believes I assumed joe wouldn't want to go b/c I wasn't going, I said we had discussed it, that should be the end of it.

OK so sorry this was long, but should I just keep my mouth shut and not say anything? In all honesty all Joe and I want to do is stay home and sleep, and if they do end up visiting him, I don't even know that I want to go see them. Am I awful? What should I do? My current plan is to keep quiet until I hear something from them. Sorry I'm ranty, I'm sick, and tired, and no one seems to appreciate what great lengths I go to in order to please people, and when I want one weekend for myself, I'm suddenly a huge b*tch!
:(

jt



By grrrlennyl On 08/27/02  

jt,

take a deep breath in...now breathe out...relax.

ok, now for the advice:

people tend to get petty about stupid things from time to time. i know you're upset, but try not to get in a huge argument about this. it seems that you like them both a lot (considering you toughed it out in all that traffic to hang with them), so this shouldn't be a relationship-breaker.

so, basically...you need to be the bigger person right now. if they initiate contact, make sure that they know that you aren't upset with them (even though you kind of are right now). just be honest and detail the past few weekends and let them know that you need a little you-time. also, so that they know that it isn't that you don't want to see them, try to plan a little get-together for a few weeks from now.

as for trying to please people...don't do that. just be yourself.

i hope this helps...



By seventwelve On 08/27/02  

I'm having a similar problem with Labor Day plans. I think you just have to do what you feel is right and let other people be as they will.



By brdgt On 08/27/02  

I can tell you how I reacted in a similar situation...

I bought 9 red sox tix for last weekend (which btw is a huge pain in the ass, most sox tix are sold out on the first day they go on sale in May, which was when I had to buy these) and a friend cancelled at the last minute.

I was a little peeved because it had been planned months in advance and the reason they gave for cancelling seemed to be something they would have known about then. Plus, their conflict was also only for one person.

But to be honest - maybe I'm just a mellower person than your friends - we all just shrugged it off, commenting that it was too bad that they couldn't come, found someone for one ticket and swallowed the fact that we couldn't get rid of the other.

So, basically I don't think you are being unreasonable. Yeah, it would have been nice to see them, but hey, things happen, you've got to be flexible.



By alexeye On 08/27/02  

i does sound like they're being petty, and it's most likely that they will become very defensive if you call them on it. try to let it roll off . . . it's not so easy, especially when you're feeling sick & tired, but i think it will be better in the long run. you're not being at all unreasonable about needing a little personal time/space, especially after the weekends you're describing. be sure to let them know what's been going on if they continue to give you grief. most likely, they will realize that they're being a bit silly, and the whole situation will go away. in the meantime, get your rest . . . and feel better!



By jtsang On 08/27/02  

Thanks everyone,
I will concentrate on getting better, I'm really fading fast and I'm getting audited this week, bleh. Oh and I'm moving on Thursday, but some time between then and this weekend I will get sleep if it kills me ;)
As for them I'm trying to be the bigger person, that's why Joe and I had him write back to say he didn't want to go, b/c he was tired too, i.e. "we don't hate you, we're just dog tired and need a break". I'm not going to be inflammatory or yell or shout, I'm just going to concentrate on getting some good sleep tonight, and being well enough to move and let them stew in their own juices and if they do say something I won't be antagonistic. Also they haven't come to see me in over a year while I've gone to NYC at least 3 times in the past several months, so they're due for a visit!
jt
Edited to add I had him write back so they would know he didn't want to go, not so I could hide, I just didn't want to have to come back with a 'so there!' style email.



By est On 08/27/02  

Oh, jt, if you're selling the tickets, please sell them to me!!! My boyfriend LOVES the Yankees, and it would be such a cool surprise. E-mail me personally to let me know what you decide. Thanks!!

-Esther
(cacklinhen@aol.com)



By jtsang On 08/27/02  

Hi Est, I'll email you, as far as I know theyr'e not sold yet
jt

BTW I apologize if my friend is lukewarm to you, he seems to be not so thrilled we're not going, but I bet you read the saga above...
I did notify him that I was sending you both an email
jt



By lindastar On 08/27/02  

i think you have every right to back out. friends shouldn't put pressure on you (even tho like 95 percent of them do).

my only thing is maybe you shoudl try to sell the tix yourself, since it is your $$ that you'll be saving... only b/c it can be a pain in the ass to sell tix.

other than that, they are being buttheads. i hope you feel better!



By jtsang On 08/29/02  

Hi,
I did try to sell the tickets to est, and about red sox yankees tickets being hard to sell, I don't really think so, that's a super popular series, I bet one email to coworkers would have done it. But that aside I did also offer to pay for the tix. Get this though, my friend Joe got a call from Amy the other night pretty much begging him to come down there, after he wrote that he was tired and did not want to go. This has gone beyond 'not being able to read between the lines' and just gotten absurd. I've forwarded est's info to Jon and I think I've done all I can at this point. Some of our mutual friends liken Joe to the son Jon and Amy never had. Stay away from our son! HEH! :)

Anyway I hope this all works out in the end, but I think I'm not going to devote any more stress to this, I was out sick yesterday recuperating, slept from when I called in sick til 4:30 when Joe called to see if I was OK. Still a bit tired, whew. Anyway Thanks for listening!
jt



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