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By honeybunny On 08/21/02  

i think about the differences between these two words a lot. probably b/c i have a tendency to do too much of the former, and too little of the latter.

i hate it when i catch myself being "nicey-nice" and it isn't genuine (to mean customers where i work, for instance). why do i have this tendency? my feminist self blames it on the way girls are socialized to behave in this culture, but-

BUT-

there are so many examples of amazing people out there who are not "nice" but incredibly *kind.* and there is a distinct difference. i used to have a friend who was sticky-sweet to everyone, and it got on my nerves b/c it was almost like the niceness was self-serving (maybe this is why i get so aggravated when i catch myself doing the very same thing!)

on the other hand, my grandfather is a rather crochety and cranky man, but drives to town (he lives in the country) *every morning* to get my grandmother her favorite fresh muffins! and once, he drove his pet chihuahua to a different city to receive *chemotherapy* b/c the dog had cancer. i love this man!

that said, i also think it's possible to be both. :) (nice as well as kind.)

this thread was actually inspired by the topic of a-monroe's thread, "why be nice?" (what a sucky situation by the way, a-monroe....good luck.)

so yeah. i guess i just want to talk about the difference between "nice" and "kind." why be nice?

thoughts?

-t



By girl3 On 08/21/02  

i guess im "nice" because its socially more acceptable, yep, i agree with u. especially for women who are working any kind of service related job.

kind is completely different, i think people who are kind, are more involved emotionally in the issue. there are some real feelings behind it. niceness is more superficial and easy to do, kindness takes real emotion behind it. your grandfather sounds amazing!



By candigirl On 08/21/02  

nice is being, kind is doing.

Candi - who is too nice to her clients sometimes and gets in trouble for it.



By rhinokey On 08/21/02  

Aw! Your Grandad sounds so lovely!

I can relate as I can be incredibly "nice" to people I hate, but I'm only capable of kindness to people I love or complete strangers. Weird.

I also say "s/he seems nice" when I'm introduced to someone who gives no impression of being remotely interesting/I think I'll probably hate when I get to know more. To me and the select few friends who understand the code, it means "s/he seems false and shallow", but to any other people listening it sounds like a perfectly acceptable comment. But then I'm a bit of a bitch at times.

Liz x
~who polished up her niceness skills doing a series of min wage jobs in the service industry.



By Elf_Chick On 08/21/02  

"nice" tends to be surface to me; i guess the word carries the "nicey-nice" connotation as someone said. i think it's b/c so often "nice" borders on phony: like public politeness that no one (or not many people) really feels....

"kind" is a deeper thing, i agree. real emotion is involved. Niceness involves a degree of dispassion imo, like when something's kind of whatever to you and you say "that's nice," etc. kindness is often not seen on the surface; i really think it's a more private thing in some cases. b/c a lot of kind people don't do it for show, and they don't want the label of "do-gooder" or whatever, y'know?

i think i am a kind person, though i am by no means a Goody McFreakin' Gumdrops.

-S



By shove it On 08/21/02  

I think nice is more for the sake of one's outer appearance and public show, and less because of sincerity or because the person really cares. I don't think people act nice when no one is looking. People are nice because they feel like they have to be to be socialy acceptable.

Being kind involves genuine caring, and tends to take actual effort. People are still kind and will commit kind acts even if no one will see or know. A person is kind because s/he wants to be.



By UnsafeBuilding On 08/21/02  

This is what i think:

Nice--"I'm doing this because it's expected of me, but i couldn't care less about why or who it's being done for."

Kind--"I'm doing this to help someone, because i choose to."



By Bizwitch On 08/21/02  

S - goody mcfreakin' gumdrops! you're cracking me up! :)

blingblong,
*Bizzy*



By Lyssalicious On 08/21/02  

I've never really thought much about the difference! Now I'm gonna be paranoid when people describe me as being "nice." (BTW, "Goody McFreakin' Gumdrops" was hilarious to me, too!)



By Elf_Chick On 08/21/02  

well i have to admit, it was not original, but it came from a good show. ;)

-S



By honeybunny On 08/22/02  

right on kids. liz - my friends and i kind of use that code too: i.e.-

"did you meet so-and-so the other day?"

"yeah, he/she seems...nice."

heh. :)

-t



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